Pretending to parent

I imagine that it is hard for any parent, especially first time parents, to know what they need to do to be a “keep the child alive” parent, not to mention what it would take be a good parent or even an outstanding parent.  One of the fastest lessons I learned as a new Mom was to admit that I had no idea what I was doing and that I knew nothing.

As a parent, regardless of the books, or articles, or groups that we consult, at the end of the day, none of us really have any idea what we are doing.  We are all just running off of intuition and suggestions and hoping for the best.

Then, for me, there are the exceptions to this rule where I go against what I know I should do and instead, do almost the opposite to try comfort Reagan or make her happier.

Reagan has an MRI and is put under anesthesia, so we indulge her and let her have crazy tablet time while she nests on the couch in her blankets and pillows and stuffed animals.

Reagan has her blood drawn, and it’s traumatizing for everyone involved.  So, again, she gets crazy tablet time and nests on the couch.

Reagan is having more seizures, especially in the evening.  Not sleeping enough can cause more seizures.  The plan, coax her to bed with cuddles and books.  The result, we are up hours later than we should be fighting sleep.

Every time we allow ourselves to indulge Reagan in the exception, and not the rule, we end up kicking ourselves in the behind.  To us, it is the exception to the rule.  To her, it  is the new rule, with no exceptions.  That is the hardest lesson for us, and me especially.  Even with the exceptions, we have to stick to the rules.

At the end of the day, she is just another (at times) emotionally unstable, always questioning why, and forever resisting any constructive suggestion, 3 year old.  That is the hardest thing to remember through this all.  All of the exceptions that we make for her, the late nights cuddling and reading books or the endless nights on the tablet because we think she needs it, are actually the opposite of what she needs.  She needs normalcy, boundaries, and very few exceptions, except under very special circumstances, that are of course, the extreme exception to the rule.

This is so much harder for me than it is for Reagan or Blake.  I always want to overcompensate for everything she has to go through, which is probably why my other half is so level headed.  He keeps my overcompensating-self in check, and keeps our lives relatively normal while I try to get the moon for Reagan after a routine blood draw.

It’s all a balancing act, with no instructions or clear direction.  We still have no idea what we are doing, but we follow our intuition, and some suggestions, and keep moving forward.  At the end of the day, she’s happy, we’re happy, and we are all enjoying life.

Pretty sure Reagan is not impressed with our “we have no idea what we are doing” approach……